How to Act Like an Ass on Vacation
It’s that time of year again–the time of year that just makes me want to tunnel into my cave of a condo and not come out until the spring thaw: Butte Bash. It’s a time when our town is swarmed with binge-drinking college students on vacation by themselves for the first time.
In case you’re just not quite sure how to act like an ass (after all, it comes more naturally to some than others), just use my little primer and you’ll be all set in no time.
- Whine to the reservationist when you realize that the condo you’re renting doesn’t have an elevator. Sure, you’re here to ski and engage in outdoor recreation but walking up a flight or two of stairs is too much to ask.
- Complain that there’s too much snow or that it’s snowing when you’re trying to ski. After all, you came here to ski not to deal with snow.
- Wear so much synthetic perfume that people can taste it when you walk by. I mean, at least you’re not one of those patchouli-stinking hippy locals.
- Lose your temper in the middle of the street when you realize there’s no Starbucks. Okay … Okay … there may be a great locally owned coffee shop but it’s not Starbucks and you need your Starbucks.
- See the above, only replace Starbucks with any and all of the following: McDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Wendy’s or Burger King. And, no, we don’t have a DQ either dammit!
- Vomit in the hot tub.
- Announce, “It must suck to live here. What do people do all day … like … shovel snow or something?” Doesn’t everyone live for mall shopping and fast food like you do?
- Drive 40 through town where the speed limit is 15. I mean, are these people too cheap to drive SUVs and who the hell walks or rides a bike anyway?
- Brake going up hill.
- Throw snowballs at your bus driver … um … while you’re in the bus.
And yes, there’s more. But I just needed a wee vent. Soon we’ll be back to the regularly scheduled programming.
January 9th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Ah the joys of small mountain towns and tourists!
January 10th, 2008 at 5:25 am
What!?! No DQ!?! No Hungerbuster? It must suck to live where you do.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
The joys of being able to live in Gunnison!! I don’t have to deal with the tourists. But this winter I do have to deal with it being impossible to find someone to plow our driveway - and we really need it.
January 10th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
You left out:
Saying how much this property would be worth in ..insert name of boomtown here…and go looking for a local realtor who will help you invest and thereby drive the cost of housing up so high in the area that the locals can no longer affort their taxes.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
This is one of the most ill-informed articles that I have ever read. You people are miserable. After spending several days in cb on vacation, I encountered nothing but rude and discourteous people. It seems as though you hate visitors even though the only way your pitiful little town can survive is through its tourism industry (second biggest industry in the state). Locals: learn to treat people with respect. You live in a tourist ski destination, which means that if you had half a brain you would actually enjoy people coming to your town and spending thousands of dollars, not shun them away. No tourists, no mines, no city. I invite all of you to come down off your mountain and check out the real world. It’s a pretty cool place. And to seventh sister: haha. Wow, what an ignorant comment.
January 12th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
So Tim … which of my top ten are you guilty of?
January 13th, 2008 at 9:54 am
You left out that any girls need to wear skin tight ski pants and only a Burberry scarf around the neck when the temp is in the teens, and be sure to block the sidewalks while waiting for the bus.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s not that tourists are not welcome, just that they should be respectful of those who make it home.
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January 13th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Oh my god. People were standing on the sidewalks?? How about saying excuse me…
April 7th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
What’s wrong with vomiting in the hot tub?
September 19th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Ha great post! Don’t forget going into a restaurant in your bright yellow one piece North Face and being really rude to the waitress!
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